Sometimes I want to go insane, or maybe, I'm actually just gradually getting there without trying. Either way, when things don't go the way that Kevin wants them, he becomes an idiot. I preach my heart out about how God is sovereign over all things, but then I get really mad when in God's sovereignty, I don't get what I want. How do I deal with this problem?
I do believe that God has orchestrated everything in all of creation. I am living a life I never dreamed of, and a life that I've never wanted. There are days, like today, that I want to get out. Wait. Not out of life in general, but just what I'm doing in life... I want to be done. But here's the tough part. Why has God put me here? Why would He do all that has taken place, and have me just end it now? It doesn't make sense. And so... the confusion continues in my life.
Pray for me please. I don't like not being home, and I'm away quite a bit. I'm praying that God will get me there more so that these thoughts will just go away.
Goodnight.
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2 comments:
I can't imagine being gone as much as you are - I hate leaving Amy and the kids, even for a single night. We'll pray for you - and you are right, God is working this together for good, and doing more than you can imagine.
Maybe he's leading you to a "New City" where you can lead worship, oversee bands and learn hands on about church planting so that in turn you can become one of the New City's church planters...think thats it?
Who knows?
Maybe God wants a New City to actually make its way to Birmingham where... oh well, I won't even finish that thought process... :)
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