Notes to myself and others

Pretty sad.

2009-02-08T22:59:00.002-06:00

I have to leave tomorrow for Nashville to Chicago and back home run.

It's going to be cold. I'm going to miss Mal.

Tonight I don't feel like going.

I know it's what I have to do, cause it's my job.

But sometimes don't you just want to try and thwart the will of God?

Honestly... I'm really that selfish.

Man, my prayer life needs to be so much better.

Lord, give me grace.

I love my wife.

This is for Malerie.

2009-02-02T21:12:00.002-06:00

Blogging.

I suck at this. I confess.

Now I move on...

Let's see if I get better.

Here is my fulfillment for Malerie.

She tagged me, and so I respond.

I can only fulfill Letter A since I don't really have blogger friends, sorry.

A. First list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep!
B. Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

1. I honestly don't understand why God loves me, but I'm glad He does. Grace is amazing.
2. I honestly have the sexiest wife on this planet. It's really great.
3. Not only is she sexy, but it's so tough to lead such a godly chick.
4. I am a church dork. I don't get crushes on rock stars or celebrities, I get it on pastors. Biblical ones.
5. I unashamedly hold to reformed theology, and don't apologize for it. Grace is amazing, I say again.
6. I want more lost friends. My job and ministry makes it difficult to build meaningful relationship with anyone.
7. I am a libertarian, politically speaking. The less government in my life, the better. Yeah, I'm scared.

8. I really love beer. Real beer, not girlie beer (most american brews). I think it's amazing, like grace. Draft is the best.
9. I hate dirty socks. I usually pack at least two pairs per day.
10. I can't wait to be a dad. I want kids of all colors and pray that God will let that happen.

I really can't tag anyone.

Losing my wisdom.

2008-11-24T02:01:00.002-06:00

Teeth. They're officially gone. Turns out, I only had two to start with, so I didn't have a lot to begin with. I had so many empathetic friends prior to the surgery, and I must thankfully admit that it really wasn't a big deal... at all. Seriously, I can't stress enough just how little any of my 'surgery' on Wednesday affected me. On Thursday, we were out and about doing our normal business around town, and by Thursday night, I could eat our turkey spaghetti without any trouble at all!

Now I'm in LA. Louisiana that is. We are playing tomorrow night in Alexandria for the YEC here, and it should be a great time with 6,000 new friends. Once we're done tomorrow night, we are OFF and AT HOME for the rest of the week. We will head out Sunday night to start our Christmas tour, fun times. I'm sleepy. And I'm on drugs. Prescribed. So it's time to take it to the bed. Peace.

Election Day: Do NOT read if you are republican or democrat.

2008-11-01T12:30:00.009-05:00

I officially take the stance that you've been previously warned.

My friends by and large know that I stand as a libertarian who was in full support of the godly, pro-life limited government-minded Ron Paul as our next president. Unfortunately, because we live in a society that allows the media to decide who should be our elected officials due to their extreme bias towards a two-party system, he decided to end his campaign after a well funded and well organized fight. But his revolution to the fight for liberty continues to this day.

Here's to the meat, and to the part where many people might be upset if they knew my view on this. I have decided not to vote this Tuesday for our next president. By and large, many negative responses come to mind:

- You're not being the citizen you're supposed to. This is an obligation!

- You have no excuse to complain about the results.

- What does this say about your involvement in politics?

- You should at least vote for _____ to keep _____ out of office!

But let's go to the Bible for a moment. I've read a good bit of it, and no where in it have I ever read about the calling of God on His people to vote for elected officials. I understand where it says to follow the laws of this land, but voting is not a law, it's a privilege. And once you study the scriptures to also find that's it not in there, you can feel a little less mad at me. I do, however, reserve the right to be wrong here. I really believe this Tuesday's voting is not an obligation. Apparently, many people on facebook agree, cause I can't tell you how many times I've been "invited" to election day, which is where the idea to post this blog came from.

I do read in the Bible that God is sovereign, even over rulers and all authorities. I believe that God ordains all events in this world, and that nothing can thwart his plan just as Isaiah explains. I'm not playing the hyper-calvinist card, since I all but hate those guys apart from the grace of Jesus. But I am saying that God's will rules even in our voting booths. But here's the deeper issue for me concerning this Tuesday...

Though I agree mostly with Bob Barr (Oh, who is that? It's the libertarian candidate for president that you haven't heard about because our freaking country is that jacked up.) on the major issues, I'm not sure that he's convinced me of his leadership capabilities. He's sort of a Ron Paul knock off, and he doesn't have the natural leadership qualities that Dr. Paul possesses. With that said, I'm so weary of people saying, "Why would you waste your vote on him?" My obvious response is, "I think it's the two major party system votes that are the wasted ones, this one would actually be worth supporting." Yeah, it's funny because it's true.

And so I'm left with this dilemma. Most people are so concerned of "the other guy." I hear the neo-conservatives frightened by an Obama presidency, while I hear moderates and liberals desperately seeking "change" and desiring so much to keep out "Bush #2." Here's the heart of the issue. Everyone is hearing, "I'm just going to vote for the lesser of the two evils." Listen. I mean read, haha. This is my question and response to that statement:

HOW IS IT HONORING TO THE LORD TO VOTE FOR THE LESSER OF TWO EVILS?

If you are truly in disagreement with both major party candidates, do you really think that you are serving the country's and your own better interest just by voting for someone you feel would be "not as bad as the other guy"? If you do, we can respectfully disagree. Most people will take the stance of saying something like, "Well, if you don't want your voice heard, then you have no reason to complain," in which my reply is, "My voice is heard by non-association and refusal to vote for someone(s) I disagree with." If there is no one worth voting for, I truly believe that if your convictions are strong enough against them, your best option in having a real voice in the matter is saying, "No. I'm not voting for either of these pathetic options."

The Lord may do a work in me and change my mind, but as of now, I refuse to vote for the lesser of two evils. I believe the Lord is more honored in my stance to sit out of this voting season based on the fact that my convictions are that strong in the politics of our nation. I disagree with both senators on multiple "major" issues regarding the economy, foreign affairs, military involvement in preemptive wars, as well as true pro-life stances. For these reasons among others I may have not mentioned (yet), I will not cast a vote for any candidate running for the president of the United States this next term.

Please put the stones back down. I still love Jesus.

New TV, new TV show

2008-10-07T22:37:00.002-05:00

So we bought a new television. Neither one of us are really tech-savvy, so I just read some reviews and we picked out one that seemed pretty to us. It's a Samsung. Mal can post a picture of it up soon and post a comment giving you the link. We like it, and are currently in the market for finding the right tv stand.

Also, I've fallen in love with a new tv show, Lost. Ironically (or not), I haven't actually seen it on my new television, but we have been obsessed with it on the bus. We have purchased seasons one and two, and are on like the third disc of season two. It's stinkin' awesome!

I may get better at this (posting), I may get worse. Who knows? Jesus.

If you haven't been to this site, you must.

2008-08-21T23:23:00.003-05:00

stuffwhitepeoplelike.com

Uh-mazing!

Read about the things that are so true about the common white guy (or gal).

If you enjoy laughing, visit this site frequently.

Peace.

I sleep in my bed all week.

2008-08-18T14:41:00.002-05:00

And that is awesome. Even more awesome than the book I'm reading right now, The Kite Runner. You should read it too. It's really great. And Michael Phelps can really swim. I'm sitting at Starbucks right now, stuck here for like two hours, but I'm almost done serving my time. I'm getting Malerie's brakes worked on down the street, so I will be walking in the summer heat here pretty soon. I have also just picked up The Supremacy of Christ in a Postmodern World, which comes from a conference back in 2006 held at Piper's church in Minneapolis. I've listened to most of the lectures, but now I have them in print! That's about it for now. I'm glad to be free for a whole week.

No more mountains, and no more sleeping with boys.

2008-08-01T05:34:00.004-05:00

Yeah, that's an awkward title, but it's fitting. And so it stays. I am sitting in the airport anxiously awaiting to board my connecting flight through Memphis down to Montgomery, prayerfully landing around 10:55 am. Colorado is still one of my favorite states, but I'm ready to be out of here. I can't wait to get to my bride, that gorgeous gal consumes my every thoughts. And it will be so awesome to see her (you, honey). And she is so much better to sleep beside than Jamie or JD, or any of the other fools for that matter. Better really isn't the right word to use there, unless I preface it with an 'exponential' or even an 'eternally' adjective. Ah well, what matters is that I get to be home today, and that is awesome. My little sister (yeah, I claim her, cause I don't like the in-law crap titles that seem very insignificant and unattached) is getting married on Saturday, and I'm so happy for her and the hunk she is hitching. He's a rad guy, and already a brother to me. "And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think." (Thank you for those words of wisdom, Derek Zoolander.) After the wedding, I will have a few days to just be off, at home with my wife and my dog. And I can't wait... God, get me home soon please. Good morning, Lord. Help me to not be an idiot today. Thanks. I love you. And I love the bride I get to see very, very soon.

Only one day, 11 hours, 15 minutes, 26 seconds...

2008-07-31T00:31:00.002-05:00

Until I get back to my bride!!! I guess that is actually minus one hour for the time change. I'll be coming off of mountain time. Speaking of mountains, I climbed one today in Rocky Mountain National Park. Freaking ridiculous. When I go places like that, I find it absolutely hilarious that some people actually believe that we just "got here." Hilarious.

So we have done camps all summer. And most of the time you just take what you can get with the speakers (camp pastors, whatever you're supposed to call them), usually trying to find some nugget of good to actually come from their lips (besides some stupid jokes and crappy application of the one verse they read from). I know, I know, I'm cynical. But I'm honest. While I am desiring to be less cynical, I write transparently, so you see the incomplete not-fully-sanctified me. But back to the bad camp pastors. Well, this week has not been the case. Student Life never lets us down, and this week we have been truly blessed to be fed from the Word by JR Vassar, the pastor of Apostle's Church in NYC. (www.apostlesnyc.com) FYI, it's an Acts 29 plant, so I'm biased (Just ask Keith, my buddy from Macon...) But the teaching has been so impacting this week, not only to the hearts of the students, but also to the staff, youth leaders, myself, and pretty much every person that is actually listening and paying attention. He is a rad guy. And God has given him a heart for the city of Manhattan, specifically the upper northeast Manhattan. It's a really cool story.

So I'm off to bed. I miss you, babe. Can't WAIT to see the most beautiful face I've ever seen in my life, and slap a big kiss on those lips of yours. I love you. And Jesus, I love you for giving grace to such a wicked heart. Please don't kill me before I get back to my wife. She is really hot, as You know. You did make her that way for me. And for that I love You too. And for the whole salvation thing. Wow. You are changing me each day. It is not easy, but it's great. Love. Peace. Goodnight.

Philip Wilson

2008-07-25T14:47:00.003-05:00

The second best thing to seeing Malerie is getting to see Philip Wilson. I have 7 more days until I get what I really want (to see Malerie), but I do get to stay with my best friend from college tonight, and that will be awesome. We've got about 5 and a half more hours to drive (in the rain), and we will be in Brighton, Colorado. Should be some good times before I get back HOME! Sweet home Alabama here I come! Seven days and counting...

Haircuts itch, why?

2008-07-24T18:53:00.002-05:00

Ok, I got a trim today at this coffee shop. Right, why would you get a haircut at a coffee shop? But this lady new one of the guys on set that overheard us needing haircuts, so he called her up and we got some trims sitting in the humidity of Tulsa, Oklahoma. On the drive back to the hotel, and even right now after the showering off of the excessed and removed hair, I'm still kind of itchy. What's the deal with that? It doesn't itch on top of my head. But as soon as you take it off, wow, does it itch. That's my curiosity for the day. Peace.

On the way to Tulsa, OK

2008-07-22T18:41:00.002-05:00

We are finally making our way out of the God-forsaken state of Texas. I am really excited about that.

Today we led worship at the National Worship Leaders Conference. Funny story about that:

When we first had the date added to our schedule, I actually thought we were going to be participants of it, not one of the actual performing bands. It made me chuckle when I found out that was the case. Either way, it was cool to get to see some pals like Matt Maher, some of the worshiptogether.com fellas, and the boys from Leeland. Good kids. Good times. Wes and I also had lunch with the Hispanic Pastor from a large church in Houston. Won't name any names. No comment. But as far as the worship set went, wow... I wish we could take 2,500 worship leaders with us every we go. We hardly had to do any work.

Tomorrow we will be shooting our new music video. I find it quite hilarious that some tv station would actually be psycho enough to put us into their circulation, but hey, God is sovereign. And He is good. So we will sing about it, even in front of cameras. That's all for now. Peace.

I Should Pray More

2008-07-22T01:26:00.003-05:00

As I'm trying to get some rest, I'm watching Mark Driscoll (www.marshillchurch.org) preach his first message on a series called "Pray like Jesus." Nothing profound really (for Driscoll anyway), but I'm just reminded how weak and needy I am of Jesus, and how most times my prayers are just religious statements that are about an inch deep.

"God bless this food..."

"Lord use us for Your glory and not ours'."

"Though we are wicked God, help us to worship You tonight in spirit and in truth."

Though these prayers aren't heretical, they become redundant (maybe even worthless) after too much usage. I mean think about it. Am I really speaking from my heart prayers to God after saying the same thing to Him 537 times with little detail to distinguish any differences from those 537 prayers? Not likely.

So if I am to pray without ceasing, I desperately need to believe and say in my heart what I say I believe to the rest of the world: that I am nothing without God, that I am worthless apart from His grace in my life, that I need God for each and every breath because my wicked heart is prone to screw pretty much everything up, and that the only thing that is beautiful in me is Jesus. If my pride wins, my prayers lose. Just because people believe I'm spiritual doesn't mean I am. But if it must be known, I whole-heartedly wanna be. I want to be passionately in love with God so that I can passionately love my wife and my family and my church. Since I am passionately loved by God, I ought to be conversing more with Him than I do with my dog, Belle. But I don't, and though it's kind of funny for me to think of it that way, it's sadly true. So I guess I should start now...

God, I suck. And You obviously know that. But I know that You have done something in my heart that changes everything about me, and I can't even figure it out. Help me yearn for You. Give me the love of Your Word that faded with my pathetic arrogance of the Scriptures, like I have anything figured out yet. Oh God, help me be a Godly husband to my absolutely gorgeous bride. I want to love her as Christ has loved His baby, us. If I can't lead my household, I can't do anything good. Don't let me keep screwing things up with my quiet times. Though they exist at times, they have pretty much sucked for some time now. I desperately want that to change. God, You know I need sleep, so I am shutting up for now, so please give me rest to be able to bring Your name and Your kingdom glory tomorrow. You are incredible. Thank You for loving me. Be with my bride as she is at cheer camp this week. Oh and Holly too, even though she gets to be with Malerie. :-) I pray for my church as well as the church planters across this globe getting to live my dream. I pray for Your missionaries here in our Jerusalem and throughout the ends of the earth that are proclaiming Your gospel. I pray for peace God, though countries and politicians and I don't always want it enough, I know I've been called to be like Christ, and Christ is love. Thanks for my newest obsession with the word and idea of LOVE, pretty much sparked after seeing the greatest show of all time, the Beatles LOVE show in Vegas, which reminds me to thank You for the greatest vacation of my life. God I love you. A lot. Goodnight Dad.

*Though I usually edit, forgive me for mistakes in that cause I think editing a prayer seems like a stupid idea.

I really am going to sleep now.

This is long post for my first return to the blogging world.

Wow, I've sucked this up.

2008-07-22T01:14:00.001-05:00

I'm going to be placing this site on my bookmarks, in hopes that I will notice it every now and then and use this blog in order to chart random thoughts of my life. Here's hoping. Peace.

The Deliberate Church

2007-10-28T01:53:00.000-05:00

I have finished Confessions of a Reformission Rev, so until Driscoll's new book comes out, I'll be picking up on a new book called The Deliberate Church. Mark Dever, well known for his thoughts on the Nine Marks of a healthy church has co-authored this book along with Paul Alexander, apparently one of his students. I'm excited about the read. I'm also getting to see one of my best friends tomorrow because we're playing in Louisville, so I get to hang out with him for the day. Fun times...

Why is it so?

2007-10-20T00:56:00.000-05:00

Ed Stetzer has blown my freaking mind again. If you haven't done so yet, go download the Convergent Conference from the podcast of Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. Amazing. Driscoll's message is great as well. But Stetzer made a great point that I can't get out of my head...

By the way, the talks are about emerging and emergent churches.
But here it is what is blowing my mind right now.

When you live like a missionary, you look similar to the world (the culture you're in), but you live differently.
Here's the deep irony.
We, in America, live identical to the culture and just look differently. That's sad.

This is nothing new or deep. But it reminds me our church culture is in desperate need for change.

Oh. And yeah, song lyrics keep coming to me. I'm excited about that. Peace.

New Albums Excite Me

2007-10-15T23:30:00.000-05:00

I've been anticipating the new Jimmy Eat World album for some time now. It comes out in about thirty minutes. Unfortunately, I have lost all hope to get it at midnight. I miss Auburn, well at least Hasting's Entertainment, where I got their last two albums the minute it hit the shelves. I guess Wal Mart will see me sometime in the early morning. That's pretty much my day today, and for that, I'm happy. Well, this is really my day...

I slept in until almost ten.
I showered. That's good.
Had lunch, mexican, with my best friend Adam.
Looked for a jacket, no find so far.
Went to a football game with Mal for cheerleading, fun times.
Stopped by Wal Mart for food and hopes to get Jimmy Eat World two hours early, failed.

Tomorrow will be a good day, Lord willing.
I actually usually get annoyed when people say "Lord willing."
I'm such a hypocrite. At least I sing about it, I guess.

Church and technology

2007-10-13T01:56:00.000-05:00

This video is pretty rad. Check out Mark Driscroll's thoughts on church and tech stuff.

So it's been too long

2007-10-12T21:03:00.000-05:00

I've realized how easy it is to ignore things when you don't think about them.
How often do I do that to God?
I mean, to not post a blog on here for months is petty, but when I don't pray for a few days because God is just, there... that's dangerous to do.
My line of work deals with talking with a lot of people about this Jesus who has saved me.
But I found myself last night begging for God to forgive me for not truly praying for like three days.
That sucked to do. But I knew that I had to.

I hope I can get better at this blogging thing, but I really hope I get better at praying.
Grace and peace.

The sovereignty of God

2007-07-13T23:54:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I want to go insane, or maybe, I'm actually just gradually getting there without trying. Either way, when things don't go the way that Kevin wants them, he becomes an idiot. I preach my heart out about how God is sovereign over all things, but then I get really mad when in God's sovereignty, I don't get what I want. How do I deal with this problem?

I do believe that God has orchestrated everything in all of creation. I am living a life I never dreamed of, and a life that I've never wanted. There are days, like today, that I want to get out. Wait. Not out of life in general, but just what I'm doing in life... I want to be done. But here's the tough part. Why has God put me here? Why would He do all that has taken place, and have me just end it now? It doesn't make sense. And so... the confusion continues in my life.

Pray for me please. I don't like not being home, and I'm away quite a bit. I'm praying that God will get me there more so that these thoughts will just go away.

Goodnight.

Back to work and life

2007-07-11T01:10:00.000-05:00

I've been on vacation. It was, so wonderful. A week of not thinking about life, pretty much. Mal and I headed down to Seagrove Beach, Florida. Beautiful time together, just hanging out. So while that went on, I shut all technical life down for the most part - email, cell phone, and yeah, this fun blog.

Upon false accusation, I just want to be clear that I'm hoping to keep this new blog thing going for a bit. My life is getting scheduled pretty hectic right now, but this neat project is somewhat of an oasis for me, so I'm hoping it will stick.

God's been gracious to my family. We're trying to get innovative in the ways to grow spiritually (of course, by God's grace). Don't really want to go into detail, but just want to praise God for the ideas He has given us.

Speaking of ideas, the songwriting itch is back. I've got quite a few lyrical ideas sloshing around in this little noggin. Add in your thoughts and ideas (royalty free of course, hehe) as you wish. I will leave you with a few thoughts, not lines, that I'm chewing on right now...

depravity in me and grace from God

the largeness of the love of God for His children

the providence of God to use sinners for his glory

That's all for now. Peace and love.

Taking church for granted

2007-06-24T16:01:00.000-05:00

Here it is on a Sunday afternoon and I've been riding in a van all day. For so many years of my life I've been so freaking spoiled by the ability to go to church when I want to. I never dreamed that a day would come where I, being the church geek that I am, would be in a position to not be able to make it to church. But I am. And here I am riding in this van writing a blog and listening to John Piper online. Now don't get me wrong. I love Piper. I am quickly falling in love with writing notes to myself. I'm also in love with this incredible task (job, profession) that God has given me. But man, not getting to go to church to eat up the teaching of the Bible and worship Jesus with your family and love on your friends really sucks. I admit it. I have taken church for granted.

I love my new church. God has us in a place where we're going to be discipled by a godly couple who cares about us. There is a vision from the pastor and his wife (same couple) that God is the in center of. No, it's not a perfect church. It's not full of "perfect" people. It doesn't do and/or have everything I would like for it to. But God has not called us to shop for the place we want. He sends us where we need to be. It's a church where the pulpit matters, a church that teaches the Bible, and a church that unashamedly preaches the gospel of our very sovereign God. Thank you Lord for sending us there.

I'm so excited to be living this portion of God's plan in my life. It is not what I ever expected, and not exactly everything I've wanted. But God explains in Isaiah 55 that His ways are much higher than my own just as His thoughts are also. Does that verse mean I'm going to be happy ever after? Heck no. I miss my wife, my dog, my church. I'm not happy about that. But I also know that the Gospel was proclaimed through this wicked vessel yesterday through the streets of Tampa, Florida.

May God continue to be given glory through every part of my existence. I need forgiveness for my screw-ups, so thank You God for Your marvelous grace. I need You to expose Your gospel in my life today Lord. Help me.

Evan Almighty and popcorn

2007-06-22T18:22:00.000-05:00

Mal and I went with two friends to see the flick today. What's sad is that we went to the matinée and it was still $6.50 each. That's ridiculous. My buddy Adam and I shared a bathtub of popcorn that we didn't finish. Anyway, to the flick...

Steve Carell can pretty much film a day in his life, and I will enjoy it. I've loved him for a while, but his character Michael from The Office is my hero. I won't spoil the story for you, but I will say that it was good enough for the theaters. I'm not one who goes to the Rave because of it's price, but for Steve, I'd do anything.

It also previewed a new movie he's in called Dan. He plays a serious role this time. I'm pretty stoked.

Well, we van out (cool bands get to bus out, but we're poor) at midnight from Montgomery, so I only have a few hours of fun left before it's time to hit the road again. Tampa here we come! But I'm happy that we'll be back on Sunday. Alright. The fam (that's me, my wife and my dog) is headed out for a date. It's Friday movies in the park here in our little town, I guess we're gluttons for movies today. Peace.

I don't always like the mirror

2007-06-22T11:24:00.000-05:00

With this being my first blog, I want to explain a little bit of my life. The sad reality that I've had to face is that in my profession, my personal life is always exposed. I feel that this is an incredible thing seeing that Jesus lived His life pretty open for all to see. By having my blog remain nameless is not to hide from people, but it's honestly to keep the twelve year old girls who will have no idea what I'm saying away, at least for a while let's hope.

I want to be honest about myself. I am a saint, chosen by an incredible God whom I question too many times, and I really question why He chose me. Before and after my sainthood, with no evidence needed, I am also a sinner. My hope in fleeing completely from sin will only come true in heaven. This flesh sucks really bad, and I continue to fall short of His glory on a daily basis.

I like to call myself conservative in the scriptures and liberal in politics. I believe that Jesus sought to love people, and I would like to carve my life around that same idea.

There are many days where I dream big. These dreams revolve around the idea of God using me for His glory. I don't want my name to be remembered. I want the Church to remember why we're here. I don't want to be rich. I want the rich to love the poor. I don't always like the mirror, but I know this twisted guy with a big mouth that I see everyday wants to tell the truth. I don't want the spotlight, but now that it's here I desire for God to shine through this wicked vessel.

My life prayer and belief between me and God...

"You are the only Thing that's beautiful in me."

That is me. More to come soon.